It's been a while since I wrote a blog. I haven't been here because I haven't had the energy to write it and I haven't been sure what I wanted to write about.
Looking back at my last post I can see the signs I had been ignoring for quite a while; I was very depressed and quite unwell.
On 25th November I went to the GP - a locum "rolled with my resistance" about taking medication and challenged me. I was there for a reason - if it wasn't medication - what was it? Good question - I took the prescription and have slowly began to feel so much better. I now realise that I had got used to feeling rubbish for a very long time.
I didn't want to admit to myself that I was depressed/anxious, it isn't the sort of thing that is easy to share with anyone. First their is the stigma but for me the overwhelming feeling was that of a sense of failure. As a proponent of writing for well-being I thought I could look after myself - but I really wasn't doing very well.
Now life is not such a struggle I have found I quite like people I work with and am not fighting with myself and others.
I don't expect it to all be sorted over night but I just thought I would share where I have been. It is difficult to share mental health difficulties - if I had developed a chest infection I may have been a bit reluctant to take antibiotics but I bet you I wouldn't have put it off for quite so long.
I hope that I have learnt a lot from this and I hope to share this where and when appropriate.
I also realise how good the blog is for helping me order my thoughts. That's the mission I am on to encourage people to think about this and read and write poetry.
Now I can concentrate and read books again I can look forward to the year ahead instead of dread.