Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Eve

Always been a funny day for years. It’s my Dad's birthday and over the years it became the event we celebrated rather then Christmas. That was until Mum died and both now get overlooked and we try and move on swiftly to the next year and look forward to Spring.

We often got together and as a child I remember a week of celebration from Christmas Day until New Year with visitors, visits and small gifts on every day. It was quite a good time as I remember it, not grumpy or in suspension like other times.

It's difficult now - we all think about Mum most of the time but I guess it is Dad who feels the loss more than anyone else. He sits in that house on his own talking to her every day when he changes the date on the calendar in the hallway. His friend moving away has just put the spotlight on what he has lost more than ever.

I find this time of year a struggle - due mainly to the dark mornings and short days. At least getting out and walking the dog means I get more daylight than I used to but over the last week I have had some very dark thoughts and I think that is due to so little happening and so little company.

A good walk at Gibside today helped the mood and some home cooking of shortbread and chocolate cookies. The shortbread is lovely but the cookies and more like cakes taste nice but not as crunchy as I would have expected. Think we made them too thick - bit too generous with the dough. Never mind - satisfying though and yummy!!

Anyway onward and upward....

Friday, December 30, 2011

Second Day

Miserable day and really never got started today. Reported fly tipping to Council and they are going to look into it, so is the local Councillor.

Not had any creative thoughts or ideas to day just a lot of gloomy ones. Fits with the weather so maybe just have to run with it.

Keep wondering where any poetry might come from and also any levels of concentration that might allow me to read anything. Irritable and miserable which is not very nice at all.

Going to try some home baking tomorrow to lift the mood. I think I will be glad when this holiday period is over.

Dreading the rest of January but if i stop thinking too much and focus on getting assignment done and the marking then i can wait for some more creative energy to return – maybe at the end of the month when we meet again at Cober Hill.

At least I have made contact with guy who runs Poetry and Medicine Symposium as i think going to London for that would be a brilliant thing to do.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Starting point

After a festive season contemplating how I can link my irritable side with my creative self I had an idea while walking the dog. I think a lot when out and about and often have insight into what is bothering me. Why not blog about it – writing and ventilating at the same time!!

 As we were out a van came along to a local fly tipping site to scavenge for metal & any other valuable scrap. It had all long gone - after all I am sure the selfish and unlawful folk who have dumped the stuff made sure they had got all they could from the dumped, unwanted and overlooked "stuff" that people wanted to get rid of. I am sure the landowner must know what is going on. This is a site that has seen regular deposits and no attempt seems to have been made to prevent trucks getting up onto the site and dumping their stuff. It is a horrible eyesore and one I try to avoid when out with the dog as it upsets me so much. It is a blot on the landscape and in stirs up lots of negative feelings about the people who do it and the people who let them do it, the impotence of laws and local authorities. Here we are in a beautiful corner of the County and yet the fields are made foul and inhospitable by lazy folk who don't want to pay for responsible disposal of the excess we have in society.

Writing about these irritations will, I hope, enable me to work through them and lead me to a more peaceful and creative place where I can rediscover poetry and other soulful activities for myself.

I can also share new discoveries, things that make my heart sing - not sink - excavate the blocks to my well-being and surface the enabling things that I read, see and listen to out there.

Share the good things and start unearthing what I want to do with writing and my being in the world.

Find meaning in what I do and pay attention to the good stuff not the bad.